my place in this world

background music: the mesopotamians by they might be giants

while discussing a chapter on gilgamesh, and the underworld as part of her lessons in mesopotamia...

olivia: so enkidu went to hell?
me : no, he went to the underworld...

and on and on we went about the different beliefs on the afterlife of different cultures...

olivia : sighs. i'm creeped out.
me : why cutie, it's just a story.
olivia : because that means maybe we can't see each other in heaven when we die. (frowns and looks like she is going to cry)
me : maybe not, but we have now and we can see each other now. besides, we still have a little time. you have more living to do.
olivia : okay.


this was how a part of our conversation went last friday. i am amazed at how far i have gone with my two tutees. olivia barely talked when i started tutoring them, and now she is disturbed about the afterlife, wants to do her nails with me, and asked me if i will take her shopping when i sleep over next week for our weekly story time/reading sessions. my little girl is now a pre-tween.

one of the things that hit me hard going through tough times last year is the realization that i am so blessed to be in a profession that i love. what a blessing indeed to wake up everyday excited to share and learn with my students, spend afternoons tutoring a few younger kids and getting to know their hopes and fears and getting to know their brilliant minds and hearts. true, at my age i could have a child of my own, but when i think about it, i have, even in the slightest way, been mother to some of these kids.

and so, after so many years of searching, one day last year, i yelled out loud to our Boss up there and said "I get it Lord! I know where I'm supposed to be. I don't know why you think I'm fit to do this, but I thank you for such an honor and blessing to spend time with these young people."

and though sometimes i question my ability and aptness to provide academic instruction to my special needs teenagers, though sometimes i want to shave my head with the stress of butting heads with their know-it-all-i don't-care-watchu-think" selves, the next day i look forward to doing the same things over and over again.

another school year officially begins tomorrow. this is my 11th back to school year. i'm probably more excited than my students, and for 11 years, i am thankful that i am as nervous and excited as the first day of school in 1997, back in los banos, prepping myself to welcome my sophomore students to the wonderful world of asian and african literature. from rural to south hill to pre school to middle school and now to high school again, i've come full circle as i face a new batch of sophomores and freshmen to our home for the next 9 months.

lights
camera
action

now i can only figure out what to wear...