yey!

i got to lubs' and ron's doorstep at exactly 11:33 am. yippee. my right leg is tired. but i am one happy girl. my first long drive and things went well. here are the drive's reflections :

1. the nj turnpike really stinks. but as a jersey girl, i still love it. i yelled a big woo-hoo !!! when i passed exit 9. i live all the way to exit 18 so halfway through the pike felt really good.

2. driving the highway isn't all that bad. i actually like it. it's go all the way unlike driving in the 'burbs.

3. driving at 70 mph rocks! i think bruce liked it. fine, 70 is peanuts. but hey, this girl has been driving on 25 mph-40 mph for the past 6 years, cut me some slack.

4. good music is always, always a plus when driving, especially if you are driving solo.

5. i hate a certain frito lay truck. we've been playing "who's faster" for a few dozen miles until i gave up. i'll let 'im have it. bruce is still definitely cuter.

6. i was terrified of the baltimore tunnel. i was mumbling "mommy mommy" until i saw the light at the other end. bridges aren't that bad, until i remember candy telling me not to look at the water. hrrrr.

7. i am definitely getting better at reaching the toll boths.



and that's all i have to say about that.


now let me bond with petulia, l and r's adorable but shy black dog.

checklist

background : ticking of the clock


it's still dark outside and it seems everyone, even the sun is still sleeping. i woke up two hours ago, a bit shaken.

someone tried to break into my apartment last night. i had to call the police, but it didn't help much. my only defense strategy is the trio of locks on my door, a chair, my talking yoda, and my LOTR action figures. that kept whoever his face at bay. go hobbits!

i am excited and anxious about my drive in an hour or so. i feel tired. i bought a can of red bull from the store last night, but with my incessant peeing, i don't think two gulps would even be a good idea. maybe not.


i am 70% done with packing. how many pairs of undies does one need?
how many pairs of shoes?
jeans. t-shirts. check.
pasalubong (gifts) check
cds check
bags check
toiletries
guitar? maybe. i've nothing better to do today when i get to MD.
books, graphic novel, check
gps navigator, mp3 player, camera, phone and all wires, check.


leave behind : most of my worries



let's go bruce.

an unabashed love letter

background music : blister in the sun by the violent femmes

dear bruce,

tomorrow, you and i are heading off to our first ever long drive, just you and me. i'll treat you to a squeaky clean car wash, with the works, special armor-all for you this time. i figured, that's the least i can do before i can treat you to your annual detailing.

i know i don't say this enough, but you are the best car a girl can have. so, i hope that tomorrow, you and i can have a smooth trip down to lubsi's house. are you excited? i'm nervous. i hope you don't mind my blabbermouth of a gps system amy. i don't know if you like her better than lori, but they're both pretty annoying to me.

you are four years old already. with 37K on your odometer, i'd say you're as handsome as the first day i saw you at the parking lot in the mazda dealership in 9W. did you know i already had you in mind even before we went there to purchase you? i've always wanted a hatchback . of all the other makes and models of 2003, it was a toss up between you and a 2 door civic or a vw golf. but you won my heart, and i can't complain.

there had only been a few cars that i mattered to me, all but one of them i got to drive. the first one is julie,




a 1985 bright yellow box type lancer once owned by former housemate. she was hot, and very dependable. my college days were usually spent being whisked away to and from school in her. i think she is somewhere in bicol, rusting away and pining for her former driver.


the next car that mattered to me is instrumental in me picking you. i don't even know if this car has a name, but this 1994 daihatsu charade was well loved by all jammers and the mamajammas in particular. i know i did. we spent many nights crammed inside this car, shuttling from los banos to our weekly gigs in quezon city, late night jamming sessions, or spur of the moment late night trips for the band bonding sessions. i miss this car as much as i miss briggs, ton-ton, islaw and neil.
i know neil loved this car as much as i love you, bruce. it's really like that.



too bad we didn't have any pics with this car. digicams were not in fashion then, and we mostly pesoless college kids with barely enough money to cover the rehearsal studio fees.


the next car, technically the first car i've driven was a used 1998 nissan altmima gxe, which i arrogantly named shiva, because hey, i'm durga. well that was a big mistake. never name a car after a hindu divinity, particularly if it's the hindu god of war and destruction. it just doesn't work. i was ignorant of anything related to car buying and mostly the reason why i agreed to this purchase was that shiva's color is the exact shade of puta red lipstick i used to wear in college. in fairness, it was a great car. smooth ride. sleek. pretty powerful. but it quit on me, and when the transmission failed, i knew it was time to let him go.




and so, it brings me to you.



you and i, we really belong together. i considered getting a yellow protege, but it just didn't feel right. i've always wanted a blue car, and your midnight blue is just perfect. i named you after bruce lee, a dragon for a dragon. i know many of my students admire you. they always say when they find out that you're mine that they've always imagined me driving a sporty car like you. and yeah, about that. i know i don't drive you fast the way you're meant to be driven, but i hope that's okay. we'll eat some asphalt tomorrow.

cheers bruce! let's hope the road takes us to merry maryland and back.


fondly,

joffin/durga/jane (the dork who names her car and electronics)

geekette file # 2

background music : cornflake girl by tori amos


i should be folding laundry, but that's one of my least favorite chores. why fold laundry when i can play? play it is.

i pretty much spent most of this morning, bugging plaps on ym and posing my LOTR fellowship by boo. i forgot that there are 9 in the fellowship and the earlier pictorial this morning only showed eight. i forgot boromir, the greedy gondorian prince who dies in the first movie.




most of these action figures i got at target or kb toys. legolas, i got off ebay. gandalf, gimli and legolas are from the two towers edition. the rest of them, especially the three hobbits, are from the first movie edition.



i have several more from the movie, but that will be for the next post. meanwhile, patrick bateman beckons from his adventures in the tunnel. geekette has to sign out now and return to being a "normal" adult.

and you know what?! i forgot about sam!!! argh!
forget it, it took me a while to pose these buggers on my pc, i'm not doing it again!

okay, maybe tomorrow, noo-ni-noo-ni-noo.

from the geekette files

background music : bodyrock by hemp republic


guess what? my upstairs neighbors are at it again! i had intended to read further on american psycho, but with them upstairs, forget it.

i might as well play too.

not with that, perv!

i've been meaning to free my action figures from their asahi beer carton box which has been their prison for over a year now. tonight's the best night i suppose.

what joy! the geekette awakens. harharhar.

i pretty much dumped everybody on the coffee table,





but i took pics of my top picks for tonight.

here's my all time favorite mutant wolverine.




and my all time favorite master of the macabre, edgar allan poe. lookit the raven on his shoulder--precious.




i figured i'd add morpheus to the mix so wolverine can get really pissed at these morose blokes.





if i am stranded on a desert island and i can hang out with any character, i figured these three would make my list. poe can tell me stories until our rescuers come. morpheus can pretty much take me to the dreaming. and wolverine can rip these two apart if they annoy me.

alright. enough already. something tells me the upstairs neighbors are done. no?



from your resident geekette / the 40 year old virgin's dream girl

no thanks

background music : big love by fleetwood mac



dear upstairs neighbor/s,

you don't know me, and i don't know you yet. let's save ourselves the awkward moment of putting faces to voices.

i am glad that you have a healthy sex life. good for you. but please try to be considerate of other people who do not want to listen your unabashed lovemaking. i woke up to what i thought was an extended nightmare only to find that the thumping and grumping and moaning was coming from the ceiling. i was a bit relieved that i was not having a scary dream. but come on, 30 seconds of bed creaking and unsolicited sex noises is just as bad.

may i make a suggestion? please knock yourselves out in the living room. better yet, can you please play some music in the bedroom while you're having a go at it.
please. you don't have to share the love, really.


sincerely,

your downstairs neighbor

high school high

background music : i remember you by skid row

i heart UP Rural High School. this is one of the charms of coming from a small town. high school was a refuge for me as a teen. of course it did help that my school is the best in the region. we all pretty much ended up being well-adjusted and law-abiding adults.

the above picture is my senior homeroom, kalantas. our homeroom is detached from the rest of the other senior homerooms. our room was located at the back of the the canteen, right next to the hall of doom, the Aggie Shed.

we were a pretty tight bunch. despite most of us belonging to different cliques, we got along very well. our adviser, ms. bullecer, was the bomb. she arranged a very cool slumber-farewell party for the class. and we unslept in our homeroom pretty much bonding from dusk til dawn. we were really one big close-knit family.

of my "brothers" in kalantas, my favorite is rey val. he's that faggy looking dude sitting right next to our adviser. he is pretty much a mirror version of myself. talkative, opinionated, mercilessly funny,but a big softie. okay, he's funnier than i am. i can't pull his jokes in class. our geology teacher baptized him "Daldaquino" for his motormouth. rv is fondly called "plaps" by friends.

i lost touch with him in college because he's in the college of agricultural economics, and i was in the arts and sciences. every once in a while he will pop up and talk. but we mostly kept to our own little college lives. after college, i didn't see his much of him. his baby sister grace became my student, but that was pretty much it.

the last time i saw him was last year during my visit home.

zoom into 2007. i've been hunting him down because i know he's one of the most sensible people to talk to, because he knows me well and i know he would give me insights without crap. besides, i miss the humor of the dork. so lo and behold, with athenee's help, i got hold of his cell phone number and he got the surprise of his life.

and now, reconnected, we pretty much talk about our little lives, almost after 13 years. the dork is still funny. he's dating again which makes all of us happy.

he told me to tell you girls reading this blog that he is single, employed and available. you can email me so i can pimp him out. this is what he looks like now...




cheers plaps. you owe me a drink when i visit goodness knows when. but as we are both trying to be good adults, we will have to have coca-cola and chippy only. or anything without nicotine for me, and anything without alcohol for you.

(han) solo

background music : don't get it twisted by gwen stefani

part of this new life that i'm starting getting used to is doing things solo. the guy is right in saying that we've never been single since we were 15. i suppose being single at 31 is not so bad. as my dear friend plaps said, "we could be in our 40's fat, bald (for him) and deteriorating."

one of the things that i hate doing on my own is eating out. a table for one seemed so pathetic to me. i went to a joss stone concert in june, solo. that wasn't much fun. but there are also not so bad things to do on one's own : grocery shopping, book browsing, museum tours, foreign film watching and guitar playing at 3 am.


fun or not i'll just have to grin and bear it. there are lots of other things to hate than being alone.

i dare not start a hate list. i'll be up all night

quit

background music : rehab by amy winehouse


i am going to try an experiment that is long overdue. i will try to stop smoking. i've never been proud of this nasty habit. people who know me are shocked when they find out that i smoke, mainly because,they say, that i don't smell like a smoker.

and so i am staring at my lone pack of capri ultra lights menthol. i have 12 skinny sticks of ciggys. i hope that when they are gone, they are gone for good.

i am going to start saving the money that i spend on cigarettes and put it one a shoe fund. i'd figured this would be a good way to speed up the quitting.


jay, you have been an inspiration to a lot of us. count me in and i'll join the ex-smoker's club.

wish me luck.

damn, bring on the bubble gum.

pagwawakas

disclaimer : the following is not a funny post. hence, the language of choice. if you want to laugh. skip this post.

mapagbiro talaga ang tadhana. hindi naging maganda ang simula ng aking umaga. may nasabi akong hindi maganda sa aking kaibigan na kanyang ikinasama ng loob, at akala ko'y patapon na ang araw na ito. mabuti na lang at nahawi ng konti ang aking lungkot at lito dahil sa pagbisita sa cyberspace ng isa sa aking mga estudyante, na aking ikinagalak.

but wait, there's more. bandang alas dose tumawag sa akin si p at nakikisuyong hiramin si bruce para mapuntahan niya ang apartment na balak niyang lipatan. sinundo ko siya sa kabilang panig ng GWB at tumungo na kami sa lugar na iyon.

malamang nanibago siya sa aking timpla. walang luha, wala nang mga paghawak-hawak sa kamay at pisngi. nanatili ako kay bruce habang nakikipag-usap siya sa mga may-ari ng bahay.

umuwi na ako sa aking tirahan, at sumama siya sa loob. kinabahan ako ng konti dahil hindi ko alam kung saan hahantong ang pagkikitang ito.

himala kung sa himala, pero parang ihip ng sariwang hangin ang aming pakikitungo sa isa't-isa. akala mo'y hindi kami naging mag-asawa, minsan sa isang panahon.

hindi ko mawari kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip niya. may mga sandaling hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ganoon na lang ang kalma ng aking dibdib. kadalasan, madaling madaya ang aking puso sa tingin, haplos at ngiti ng taong ito. hindi na lumulukso ang aking puso -- wala nang lukso ng samu't-saring damdamin, wala nang lukso ng sakit, wala nang lukso ng pangungulila sa pag-ibig na nawala. walang hirit na nakakasakit. wala nang pagtaas ng kilay. ngiti lang. ngiti ng pang-unawa.

alam kong darating pa ang mga sandali sa hinaharap na kukurutin ng tadhana at alaala ang aking puso, pero ang pagdaan ng bawat araw ay patungo sa pagsasara at paghilom ng pusong nasugatan. at balang araw, ang tibok nito'y magiging maliksi muli.

paalam sa unang pagkakataon.

another caffeinated morning

Bwahahahahahahahha!!



okay, i guess those buggers in high school had a claim when they teased me whoopi goldberg, now that this celebrity collage even has oprah as a strong look-alike. hahaha. but rupert grint?! wow, always had a crush on ron. no wonder!

shoe whore chronicles

when durga is a caffeinated wreck, lots of things can happen. she can, for instance, call up suzee, her shopping partner in crime and go to the mall to go shoe shopping.
tadaaa!!!!



durga is a happy girl. sleepless, but happy. noo-ni-noo-ni-noo.

home sweet home

jane is fun, but she's a handful. my apartment looks like my room in catalan beehive no. 1 (my college apartment shared with adinda,and la-u) magnified 10 times.
if my mom can see it now, she'll throw a fit!

i really should stop and clean-up. there are still boxes to be unpacked, laundry to be washed and folded. books to be shelved and mail to be sorted.

i have to stop drinking anything with caffeine. i'm like that catatonic kid tweek tweak from south park. my eyes are killing me, my head is rebelling but my fingers keep typing on this keyboard and my right foot is on auto thump, faster than that rabbit in bambi.


i wish someone can tell jane to clean my apartment and get her ass off my computer chair. she should also stop bothering all the people who are online on her YM and chikka messenger.

the question is : will she listen?

make a guess. bitch is a pain in the neck.

baby you can drive my car

background music : ovedrdrive by the eraserheads


i have a total of 4 hours of sleep in the past 24 hours. i am running on diet pepsi and dunkin donuts toasted almond coffee (with milk, no sugar - warm, not hot). my knees are shaking, my fingers can't stop fiddling with this keyboard and my eyes are killing me.

i went to a job interview today. the school where i have to be interviewed is located 24 miles away from where i live. this already FAR for me. 24 miles is my weekly mileage with bruce. i was very nervous about this trip because i am scared shitless of driving the highway. i was so nervous, i woke up at 4 am this morning. by 4:30 i was already at dunkin donuts for coffee - half caf of course for i didn't want a bumbling nervous wreck behind the wheel. and so by 7am, i said my prayers and head off to the picturesque NJ turnpike. i bought a nuvi 200 to help me get around. it was pretty good considering i got to my destination in 40 minutes. this GPS navigator charly and i baptized amy is more annoying than my old palm pilot tomtom GPS navigator called lori.

the drive was pretty okay, though the ramps and the gigantic trucks terrified me. the toll gate experience was not so bad either.

i'm slowly coming to terms to my fear of driving the highways. next weekend i'm off to a 4 hour drive to Maryland. We'll see how that goes. But, with good weather (i hope), great music, amy and bruce almighty at my side, i'm looking forward to an awesome roadtrip.

child's play

background music : back on the chain gang by the pretenders

My mom never let me took siestas as a child because I would be up all night and screw up everybody’s sleep. On the very rare occasions that I did doze off, everybody pretty much left me alone. But not my evil aunt and cousin – the evil twins, Charry and Jocel. They used to sneak into my other aunt’s room and wake me up with the sole intention of pissing me off.

You know what they say about how it is better to play jokes on a drunk, but never on a person who just woke up? That is so true with me. You never, EVER wake me up in the afternoon – I turn to little hulk and destroy everything in my path. The evil twins know this all too well and they wake me up for the exact purpose of watching me destroy whatever toys I have. After the carnage, I would go back to my little negrita mode and cry myself silly for wrecking my toys, much to their delight. They would then run off and tell on me. I would get punished for destroying my toys and I will be told I will not be given any more. Only my dad would take my side and soothe my little broken heart with a wink and a promise that he will buy me a new toy when he can.

Those two really sucked. Thank goodness I’m pretty well-adjusted now, otherwise I’d probably be this nervous cowering and stuttering wreck. You would if you had to spend your formative years with these two. Here’s a menu of the games we used to play :


1) Hide and Seek - For some reason, I am always it. And for some reason, I had to count 1 to 67 when we play this game. Of course I never find these two because they would be well out of the hiding perimeters and I would usually find them back inside my grandma’s room watching cartoons like nothing happened.

2) The Office game - We set up under the big round table. We have old phones and paper and pens and postcards and pretend that we work in an ultra important office. Of course the twins are the big bosses and I’m the secretary. Not much fun since they always order me around.


3) The Playhouse game - My grandma had a bahay kubo built for us. It was pretty neat actually. It was a good sized nipa hut furnished with a bunk bed, a kitchenette for our clay pots and stove, a working sink – the works. We even had a sign nailed to the post “La Casita 123" for us three senoritas. So we would play house – another genius game for the evil twins for Jocel would be the dad, Charry would be the mom. You’d think I’ll be the kid right? Nope. I’m the maid. I’m Inday, thank you. I had to wash the dishes, gather leaves for our pretend food and clean the house! I sometimes wonder if it would be a more fun game if I was the dog, Bantay. They’d probably treat me better those two buggers!

4) Road runners - As my parents were still both struggling with money, I did not have a bike for myself. There was a bike in my grandma’s, but the evil duo naturally hogged it. It was a three-wheeler, a nifty little blue bike where one can stand at the back while the other rides it. Of course there was no room for a third person. Everyday I hope would be my lucky day when they would let me ride with them. I usually have to wait for them to go have their daily siesta so I can ride the bike, but that wasn’t much fun. So one day, the ever resourceful little Joffin asked Tubal, the gardener if she can use the wheelbarrow so she can go “ride” with the evil twins. You can probably guess what happened. I ended up playing rickshaw-wallah to these two. Grrr.
Not a lot of fun either.


and last but not the least ...

5) The Superfriends Game - I hate hate hate this game. I’ve always wanted to be Wonderwoman . I would use my magic lasso and tie up the evil twins,lock them up in my invisible jet and drop them off to Tawi-tawi or some distant uninhabited island. But no. The evil twins have to be the Wondertwins and of course yours truly can only be... Gleek! – the frigging monkey. Sigh.



Good times.


So yeah, pretty much that was my preschool childhood with the evil twins. When I started school I loved it. I was very active in school and I had a lot of nice playmates. I usually played with the boys because their games were so much fun. The girls usually played with their Barbie dolls and mine were all decapitated, so I didn’t really play those until I was in second grade when my dad bought me two replacement Barbie dolls for the two that I had mutilated one frenzied afternoon after being woken up by the twins.



Time space warp......


I got my day of justice one summer day in 1999 when Jocel visited us after 18 years of living in the states. I cornered both Charry and Jocel and gave them a mouthful of my pent-up anger. They got a bit scared of me because I barely gave them any space to butt in. They vehemently denied being mean to me of course. I told them to shut up and listen to me, for once. I said I should actually thank them for those things that they did because somehow it helped me toughen up and become a well-adjusted young adult, I just warned them that what they did may come back and bite them in the ass one day, when somebody else would decide to bully their future children.


I walked away feeling good that they had a lot to think about.


Noo-ni-noo-ni-noo.

the miseducation of joffin-mari 1

when i was about 4, i asked my dad why boys pee standing and why girls pee sitting. i suppose he was preoccupied with something and just brushed off my silly little why question. he turned to me, and told me that it's just the way it is.

but of course little ol' me wouldn't take a brush off answer just like that. so for a few years, i would occasionally pee standing (mostly at home, and i think once in my grade school bathroom) just to shed a bit of light to my question.

this topic came up last night and so i asked d why this is so, with the boys standing. he casually said that guys can pee sitting, too. this was kinda like how the conversation went :

me : no you can't
d : yes you can
me : you can?! but it would be too messy!! (horrified)
d : why would it be messy?
me : uhm, because if you don't hold your thing down it'll squirt over?
silence
d : uhm why do you have to hold it?
me : well, isn't it supposed to be hard when you pee?
silence
laughter
the sound of mortification on my side

d : how long have you lived with this guy?
me : uhm, six years.
d : and you never saw this peeing?
me : never really observed.
muffled sounds of mortification again


okay. so sue me. I REALLY DID NOT KNOW. okay? honest! i mean sure i've seen the guy pee, but i assume it's always you know hard, well maybe because it's the morning pee and the morning wood combined, so i just assume it's always like that, and that's why guys can't pee sitting.

okay, point number 2 : my brother JP has to be guided in the bathroom to pee, and as his older sibling it wasn't a big deal to me. yes, it wasn't always hard, but i just assumed that because there is something developmentally wrong with my brother, that he was an exception.

there. fine. i have been naive on this thing okay?

i told someone back then that i was too smart for common sense.


i wished my dad just answered my question when i was four and saved me the humiliation of not knowing a simple truth.


and that's all i have to say about that.

durga, la conquistadora

background music : yummy by gwen stefani



after three months of camping out in my living room couch, i have finally reclaimed the bedroom.
(applause, applause) in my best elvis presley voice "thank you very much"



right after the dissolution of my marriage, sleeping was optional for me. my mind was too preoccupied with booting, rebooting, deleting and reprocessing painful information to even have the time to add sleep to its overworked playlist.

i drank wine to make me fall asleep. i even took some over the counter sleep aid just so i can get some shut eye so i can make it through work somehow semi-normal. i slept in the couch which was a bit uncomfortable, really.

i stayed out of the bedroom not because it reminded me of impassioned or otherwise coitus with the ex. the bedroom did not haunt me like that. it was the empty space and the resounding silence in the room that unsettled me. i used my bed as a dump site for laundry that needed to be folded, i used the bedroom as my closet.

the past couple of weeks i had a major change of heart and mind. as if roused from an emotional coma, my old self bounced back blinked her eyes and said "screw it, shit happens, what are you gonna do?"

and so i retraced my steps into the room that i feared most. i sat by the bed and felt its comfortable softness. i lay down and stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours. i mused at the possibilities of having the bed to myself. i don't have to worry about space. i can leave as many books as i want. i can hog all the pillows. ahhh, it's so not bad after all.

durga, victorious once more, has reclaimed the bedroom and declared it as a sanctuary for peaceful slumber and fantastic dreams.

if only the couple upstairs can keep their boinking down, it would be perfect.

Me and my f*** me pumps

background music : F me pumps by amy winehouse


i'm going out on a date in a couple of week's time. this is going to be my second date in 16 years. i feel as excited as the first time i went to the prom with a date.
i have a laundry list of things to do in preparation for this event, and the star of this whole production is none other than my first pair of high heels. my chocnut richard baptized it my "f*** me pumps". while laughing with him on the phone, he prompted me to tune in to amy winehouse's video of the same title. it was a trip.

being just a little bit above 5 feet sucks. i always get frustrated when i shop for greceries because i have to ask people to reach stuff for me. several times in the school cafeteria, the lunch lady yelled at me, thinking i was one of the obnoxious 6th grade girls. when i went out with date#1 i felt like a midget. he was 6'2", i barely reached his shoulders. but it felt great standing next to a tall guy. i felt protected. i felt cute.

my girlfriend eva, the makeover queen, convinced me to buy a pair of heels for jeans. she said (with nikki's approval) that wearing high heels with jeans changes everything. it makes your ba-dunk-kadunk and twins stick out. they were right of course. when i put on these shoes which i have baptized amy (for that crackwhore winehouse who richard and i both love) in the shoe salon, i heard aerosmith's "walk this way" in my head. true, my fear of heights came back. i felt like i was on the empire state building. but man, they did make me feel sexay!

i don't know about most women, but i usually plan my outfits around shoes. for amy, i have purchased my first pair of joe's jeans which i am breaking in as i type this post. they feel a little snug right now. but a reliable source told me that i should feel snug in them in the first few days. it will contour to my body just fine after breaking them in a few days.

i have three tops to choose from. i have the perfect lipstick. the eye make-up i'm playing with, and the accessories are pretty much set.

let's just hope the date is also a perfect fit with me and my f*** me pumps.

let the sunshine in

five days ago i have come to a very important decision about my near future. i have decided to stay in jersey and stick it out here. i accept the fact that i have acted on impulse and pure heart when i decided to move to canada and leave my past behind. i accept the fact that i have been too hasty to quit my job. but i do not regret making that mistake of losing my job because the realization that i have gotten from that experience is well worth it.

and so i am on a mission to find a job before school starts. i am hopeful, as always that everything will be alright.

bringing sexy back

background music : wind it up by gwen stefani


summer camp is almost over. the pressure is on. i have pushed back packing and sorting through my material possessions for as long as i had camp, and now that camp is over by tomorrow, i have no choice but to face the horcruxes of my not so distant past.

i had my first date in 16 years. the experience was euphoric. i was exhilirated by the whole experience of talking and having a great time with another person. i asked out m again, but i have not heard from him. oh well. the first date was something i will not forget for a while.

almost immediately after m, i spoke to d. the circumstances of how we talked was quite weird to me. but in the spirit of "fuck it, go for it" i forged on and spent several hours talking on the phone with this guy. i felt as giddy as i did with date number 1. the things we have in common were disarming. he sounded very nice.

how did the experiences of the past couple of weeks affect me? let me humor you.

1) i waltzed into target:
bought a set of lace underwear for maximum lift and separate. in doing so i realized that manufacturers made underwear in different colors to match top and bottom.

2) almost finished upgrading my underwear of mostly bland cotton panties and bras with black lace little things. i will hold a bonfire to lay to rest my cotton so-en panties and ridiculously juvenile (which i thought back then was cute) superhero boyleg panties. i am a superwoman and i don't need a pair of cotton panties to prove it.

3) bought a new pair of jeans a size smaller, and then bought another pair a size even smaller.

4) i think my girly self is coming out of my sensible, overthinking self.

5) for sleepwear, i have retired my oversized t-shirts and sporty shorts and upgraded them with black cotton chemises. i have come to the conclusion that sleeping sexy is better than sleeping blah.

6) replaced my freshly cut grass clean bodyshop minteva scent with the bodyshop's sexier scent called chymara.

7) walk with a spring in my step and smile unconsciously, much to the amusement of the clerks at the local dunkin donuts.

8) play gwen stefani's latest cd in bruce's sound system and bounce to track called "yummy"


because yes, i'm feelin yummy head to toe.

can somebody please restrain me when i get meself a whip?
purrr.