transitions

just got back from work's annual holiday dinner. normally, i wouldn't go, but k and k convinced me to attend for old time's sake. i figured i might as well since this is my last week in the middle school.


d and b joined us for some food and drinks. it is nice to know what they are doing okay in their new respective places of work and leisure. i would not want to think i am leaving my work family behind, i would like to think that i am just going on a vacation and that i will come back soon.

i am at a loss for what else to feel about m. i have been remiss in not celebrating something very important to her, i should have come to her and sucked in my physical and mental exhaustion, but i didn't. this i know i should have done. i always thought that since i consider her as the sister i never had, i can be honest with her about how i feel, but lately there seems to be a wrong and right answer. it seems all i have done is give her all the wrong ones.

i have never really been alone in my life. it sucks, but i am learning to embrace this solitude. there are still times when i do not feel so strong to handle happy occasions. my mother seems to be one of the two people who understands this about me. why be a wet blanket? but my polite refusal was seen as a personal rejection. it is not.


c went back home today. more hurdles to overcome, more challenges to face. i do hope whatever they may be, we can both make it, together or apart. for now i am happy and at peace that we have an understanding on a very integral aspect of our beings.


i sit here in the quiet darkness of my room with a sigh in my heart, a half smile on my face, and a prayer in my soul for the things that i can not understand, but must face and accept just the same.