bunso

background music : landslide by fleetwood mac

dear jay,

it's your 27th birthday today. another year huh? this is the 7th year i am not there to celebrate with you. know that though we are thousands of miles apart, my love and well wishes go out to you, especially today.

i know it has not been easy for you, but today, i hope you will take the time to give thanks to God for all the blessings he has given you.

of the many things i wish can change in the past, it is the wish that i could have been a better big sister to you. i wish i had given you more time and attention. i wish i spent time listening to your dreams, joys and pain. i wish i had given you more encouragement whenever you felt defeated by life's many obstacles. but i was too wrapped up growing up myself and licking my own wounds. i did not notice how much you were hurting too.

although those are my wishes, i feel happy knowing that i can do all of those things right now. and i will try my best to be the sister that i should have been to you.

whenever i miss you, mom and jaypee, i do a little slideshow of memories in my head. and for your slideshow i remember these...



you at around 3 or four with the signature grin on your face, covered in mud after playing in the backyard chasing after frogs.

the look on your four year old self when you were scared shitless to pee. all because kuya jon or kuya jim told you a stupid thing about how your "bird" might fly if you pull down your shorts should you decide to pee. you painfully crying out loud "baka lumipad, mommy!" ("it might fly away mom!")

little 6 year old you banging the bathroom door, and i on the other of the side of the door yelling for mom to intervene. i don't know what i said to upset you, but it must've been very bad for you to be pissed off like that.


12 year old you taking care of your prized rooster, prepping for a day of cockfighting at the local coliseum.

25 year old you smiling broadly as we walked along the beach in donsol on my last trip home.

and last year, the sound of your voice, full of concern for your broken hearted ate. thanks bunso for thought. it means so much to me to know that you got my back during those times.


i heard from mom that you are doing well these days. i hope everything goes well with your assessment and paperwork. i am excited that you are going to be a professional soon. do not forget that we always love you, even though we are not the showy kind of family.

hopefully, next year i can come home for a visit. i intend to spend more time at home with you, mom and jaypee. with God's grace, this wish can be a reality. we should go visit lola nene's grave and maybe we can grab a couple of beers at LB square, just you and me.

chin up little brother, you are stronger than you think you are.

take care bunso, and happy birthday again.


love,

ate